quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
