Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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