we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
