And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am naked and annoyed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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