I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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