I wish life had little blips of pornography
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
