When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
