Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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