i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
