Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
