did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
