sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
