She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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