That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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