My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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