you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
