i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
