Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
