we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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