I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
