I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
