She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
