kristin has been a bad kristin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize