I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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