so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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