That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
