dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
