nut hugger
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
