It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
