billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
