they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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