Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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