He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
