I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
