yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
