Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
