there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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