I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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