Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
