ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
