hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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