just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
