I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
