...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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