Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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