For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
