Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
