Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
