I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
