a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
