I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
