I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
