5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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