The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
