hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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