doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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