I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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