im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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