My friends, they love my intelligence
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
