We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
