it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
