plz talk dirty to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
