She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
