The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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