is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
