I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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