Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
