do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
