If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
