Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize