i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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