benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
