There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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