i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
