I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
