drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
