don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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