Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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